8 days

I write this post 8 days away from my scheduled C-section, yet praying fervently that the baby will decide to come sooner than that because I am soooooo ready for her to come out and play!!

Honestly, I thought she'd have come by now. I think my pre-term hospitalization for contractions at almost 34 weeks sort of convinced me that we wouldn't even make it to May, much less May 11th. Then again, the Universe likes to screw with me, so we probably will make it to May 11th! Which is fine, really, except that I was really hoping to have a little extra time to recover from having the baby before Super Boy's First Communion on the 15th. Oh well - we'll roll with it, one way or the other.

Still, it's so strange to be so close to bringing this baby into the world. You forget what it's like when there are so many years between your first and your second.

There is of course the extreme excitement and anticipation, knowing the end of the pregnancy and the new beginning of a new precious life are so close at hand. You can't wait to see and hold and touch your baby, to forever imprint them in your mind and your heart, to fall in love with them and get to know them fully and completely. You look forward to them integrating into the family, blending into the fold so seamlessly that you literally can't remember a time when they weren't there. I can't wait to peek into her room and see her in her crib, to take her for walks in her stroller or one of the baby slings/carriers, to snuggle her as she nurses, to smell her fresh from a bath. Those cravings are so strong they're physical at this point -- I want my baby on the outside, in my arms, and I'm READY.

But there's also some anxiety and trepidation about getting that precious new life out of your body and into the world. And for me, those feelings are particularly acute because I'm not sure which way she'll come and am finding it tricky to prepare for the unknown. If we make it to 5/11, it will for sure be a C-section. If not, I plan to try for a VBAC if the circumstances are favorable. But even then I'm nervous because I tried for a vaginal birth with Super Boy and failed miserably after 30 hours of labor and a stuck, sunny-side-up baby. That stays with you - trust me! And I don't look forward to the prospect of the surgery any more than I do a long or difficult vaginal birth, because I remember the pain and discomfort of the recovery, and how frustrating it was to be restricted from driving for 2 weeks and from lifting for even longer. As much as a woman's body already changes after pregnancy, it changes even more after a C-section -- everything in the midsection is weaker and less tight than it once was, so it's not even a matter of getting through the 6-8 weeks of "typical" recovery, but the many more months of rebuilding the muscular connections and strength. Add to that the fact that my life was much simpler when Super Boy was born -- I didn't have another child to care for or another schedule to work around then. Now we have Super Boy to care for and his school, soccer and baseball schedules to take into consideration, so the faster I'm back in action, the easier it will be all around.

I'm also still sick with a bad cold/cough & sinus infection, so I'm on antibiotics for that now and hoping to feel SIGNIFICANTLY better very soon. The timing of me getting sick with this could not have been worse. It's ironic, too, because I made it through almost the entire past 9 months with only 1 other cold & sinus infection and 1 UTI, plus a few bouts of stomach upset (not full-blown stomach flu/gastroenteritis, thank God!). I just hope to be healthy - or at least healthiER - by the time the baby arrives so I'm not exposing her and I get off to a good start health-wise as I recover.

One of the other strange things about being in this final home stretch of the pregnancy is that I never know what each day will bring. When I go to bed at night, I have no idea if my water will break during the night or if contractions will begin, and the same goes for when I wake up each morning. I take Super Boy to school not knowing if I'll be the person picking him up at the end of the day, which is odd. Super Boy had two soccer games last weekend and as I said goodbye to the other parents, they asked if they'd be seeing me at this weekend's games, and it's so strange not knowing for sure whether they will or not! Anything could happen at any time, and I'm just trying to be as prepared as possible for any outcome.

I will of course continue to update here. I will be 38 weeks tomorrow and I have my 38-week check-up with my OB on Friday, if we get that far. At my 37-week appointment I was still only dilated 2cm with no effacement, so we'll see what this week's appointment has in store! And once the baby comes, I will try to post fairly quickly to let you all know.

Thanks for following me on this journey of many years - it means so much to me to hear from you, and please know that I'm always sending out baby vibes for those who are still struggling to complete their families. You're not alone!!

SW