I'll be 11 weeks pregnant tomorrow. :)
Every week that pushes me closer to the end of the first trimester helps me breathe just a little bit easier, but I still feel like tragedy is going to strike and take this baby away from me like it did the last. I know how morbid that seems, and yet, I can't seem to shake it.
Yes, everything about this pregnancy has been different - and BETTER - than the pregnancy I lost in the spring. In my head, I know that and I know things are PROBABLY okay. But without being able to peek at this little one every time I feel like something is going wrong, I worry.
The past two days, I haven't been as tired. My breasts haven't been as tender or felt as swollen. I haven't felt as nauseated. I've had occasional, mild... twinges in my abdomen. No cramping, no bleeding - just twinges. I can't help but think that maybe something has gone wrong.
Then again, it could just be that I'm getting close to the end of the first trimester, and my hCG is finally leveled off or starting to drop as the placenta takes over, and THAT might be why my body feels a little more... normal.
I just don't know. And I won't know until I get to my ultrasound appointment in 2-1/2 weeks.
In case it hasn't become obvious to anyone who has read either of my blogs for any length of time, I HATE waiting. Patience is not a virtue I possess, as ashamed as I am for it. I think I've finally figured out that the reason patience is so hard for me is because I'm a first-rate, four-star, natural-born worrywart. I can worry circles around others. I'm a pro at it. I don't LIKE that I worry so much, about EVERYTHING, but alas, there it is. I've been this way for as long as I can remember, and I have every reason to think I will continue to be this way until death doth me and my horrible worrying tendencies part. It sucks.
I find myself searching for signs of bleeding twice as often this week. Being afraid to lift even baskets of laundry, just in case things have become tenuous in the recesses of my womb. I even briefly considered calling my OB to see if she could do another ultrasound today, just to be sure. But even I realize how alarmist that is when I have one coming up in a mere 17 days and I'm not even cramping or bleeding.
It's frustrating. I'm at the point now where my regular pants just aren't cutting it but all my old maternity pants are ENORMOUS on me at this point, so I was going to go buy a pair of more modern under-belly maternity jeans this week to get me through the next couple of weeks. But I'm so paranoid that something is wrong that I'm reluctant to go spend money on a pair of jeans I might not end up needing. How pathetic is that?
I keep trying to distract myself. I've been cleaning my house like a mad woman, dusting things I haven't touched in ages, reorganizing the stuff on the bookshelves in the living room, etc. It helps keep my mind off my worries about this baby.
It's days like this when I wish I was one of those women whose feathers get ruffled by NOTHING. From my lips to God's ears...
Fretfully yours,
SW
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
10 weeks
I will be 10 weeks pregnant tomorrow and I still can't quite believe it!
I haven't been this pregnant in 8 years. Literally. And after losing the last one by 7 weeks, I wasn't sure I'd ever BE this pregnant again. Still, until I'm out of the first trimester, I won't be complacent that all is well.
I FEEL pregnant. I'm exhausted, bordering on narcoleptic at times, and my body feels foreign to me. My belly is already expanding, either due to the growing baby or the constant bloated feeling. I'm just about to that in-between stage with my pants, and I'm dreading that point because it'll be too late for my usual jeans, but still WAY too early for maternity jeans. I bought a Belly Band to help extend the time I can wear my regular jeans, and I hope that works well enough to get me through to the point where I can wear maternity jeans and not look ridiculous.
I've had "morning" sickness - if you can call it that, considering that it hits me hardest in the late afternoons & evenings - for weeks. I thought I'd read somewhere that hCG levels peak around 8 weeks gestation, and it's the hCG that causes women to feel nauseous in early pregnancy, so I had it in my head that week 8 might be the hardest and then I'd start to feel better. I'm here to report that that theory hasn't proven true. If anything, I've felt worse the past 2-3 weeks. But I'm THRILLED to say that I haven't had any vomiting -- just nagging nausea. Sometimes I can get it to subside by eating just the right thing when I first start to feel green around the gills, but other times it's just a matter of gritting my teeth and getting through the evening by keeping as still as I can. I'm eyeballing weeks 12-13 in my calendar and praying that this all subsides by then so I can finally just ENJOY being pregnant.
About that... I'm nervous. When I was pregnant with Super Boy eight years ago, I had issues with morning sickness then, too, but once it was behind me (by around 14 weeks) I felt FABULOUS and LOVED being pregnant. I reveled in my growing belly, enjoyed the energy and excitement of the second trimester and early third trimester, and really felt quite good right up to the last 2 weeks or so of that pregnancy. But I was 28 and 29 years old then; I'm 36 going on 37 now. Will it be as enjoyable given that my body is older? Will I be more uncomfortable this time? I'm praying that this experience will closely mirror my last pregnancy. I want to enjoy this, particularly because this WILL be my last pregnancy.
I find myself wishing that I could peek at this baby via ultrasound like every 48 hours, just to reassure myself that he/she is still there, still growing, still okay. Seeing the baby at my 7-week ultrasound a few weeks ago was great, but so much can happen from one week to the next, especially in the first trimester. As morbid as this sounds, I still find myself cautiously peeking in my panties for any signs of bleeding every time I use the bathroom, and breathing a huge sigh of relief when the coast is clear. I worry over every pain and twinge, even though I know some amount of that is normal due to ligaments and such stretching to accommodate the growing baby. You forget all that after so many years though.
Interestingly enough, with Super Boy, both Super Man and I and most of our family members all felt that the baby was a boy, and that was unequivocally confirmed at my mid-term ultrasound when Super Boy kept flashing his junk but refused to show his face! The Chinese birth predictor charts also showed that Super Boy was going to be a boy, based on my age and when I conceived.
This time, despite the fact that the Chinese birth predictor says BOY, I am convinced the baby is a girl, as are my mom and several of my girlfriends. But Super Man, Super Boy and Super Girl all think it's another boy. I feel obligated to mention that my mom just really wants a baby granddaughter, so I think that's made her biased, and the girlfriends who think this baby is a girl all have boys themselves, so I think it might be wishful thinking! :)
I will be overjoyed regardless of whether this baby is a boy or a girl, but I will admit that I've always wanted a daughter of my own. As much as I love Super Girl, she already has a mother-daughter relationship with her own mom, and while we're fairly close, our relationship just isn't like that. With as close as my mom and I are, I have always wanted to have that with a daughter of my own. I've pictured what my daughter will look like, what she will be like, and I pray that was all foreshadowing and not just wishful thinking on my part.
One thing that has been especially fun has been looking at all the new things that have come out for babies since I last had one. The clothes seem more cute and stylish, and the gadgets and gear are so much more attractive and streamlined. We saved a bunch of the stuff we had bought or received brand-new when we had Super Boy, but we got rid of some other things that were just taking up too much room in our basement. I think many of the things we got rid of were things we found we really didn't use that much or things that are cheap to replace, so that's at least a bonus.
The one thing I made sure to save because they were expensive were Super Boy's car seats -- his infant car seat/carrier and the one we used after he outgrew that, until he was big enough for his booster. We bought a beautiful Peg Perego infant car seat/carrier & stroller system before having Super Boy, and a gorgeous Britax convertible car seat that Super Boy used after he outgrew his infant carrier -- but unfortunately BOTH are now expired. I was incredibly frustrated to realize that!
The Peg Perego system was like $300 or $350 when we bought it, and I really don't want to have to buy a new infant seat PLUS a new convertible seat for when the baby outgrows it. So instead, now I'm thinking I will keep the old Peg Perego infant seat and use it solely as a baby carrier and with the stroller, but just get a new Britax convertible car seat that can go from birth to 55 or 70 lbs for the car. It was great to have the infant car seat/carrier when I had Super Boy because I was working full-time and had to shuttle him in and out of daycare, usually in a great rush and with a jam-packed diaper bag, purse and briefcase in tow, so having the convenience of the portable car seat/baby carrier then was great. But now that I'm a stay-at-home mom, and I plan to BE home until this baby is at least a year old, it's not that big a deal to have to take a few extra minutes to put the baby in and take the baby out of a stationary seat that stays in the car. I still have the Baby Bjorn I had for Super Boy, and I think that might be easiest to tote the baby around when we're out and about.
So many things to think about... but so much fun!
For all of you who are still struggling to have another child, hold onto your hope, keep faith, and believe in miracles. They do happen sometimes - and the next one might be yours.
Love and baby dust,
SW
I haven't been this pregnant in 8 years. Literally. And after losing the last one by 7 weeks, I wasn't sure I'd ever BE this pregnant again. Still, until I'm out of the first trimester, I won't be complacent that all is well.
I FEEL pregnant. I'm exhausted, bordering on narcoleptic at times, and my body feels foreign to me. My belly is already expanding, either due to the growing baby or the constant bloated feeling. I'm just about to that in-between stage with my pants, and I'm dreading that point because it'll be too late for my usual jeans, but still WAY too early for maternity jeans. I bought a Belly Band to help extend the time I can wear my regular jeans, and I hope that works well enough to get me through to the point where I can wear maternity jeans and not look ridiculous.
I've had "morning" sickness - if you can call it that, considering that it hits me hardest in the late afternoons & evenings - for weeks. I thought I'd read somewhere that hCG levels peak around 8 weeks gestation, and it's the hCG that causes women to feel nauseous in early pregnancy, so I had it in my head that week 8 might be the hardest and then I'd start to feel better. I'm here to report that that theory hasn't proven true. If anything, I've felt worse the past 2-3 weeks. But I'm THRILLED to say that I haven't had any vomiting -- just nagging nausea. Sometimes I can get it to subside by eating just the right thing when I first start to feel green around the gills, but other times it's just a matter of gritting my teeth and getting through the evening by keeping as still as I can. I'm eyeballing weeks 12-13 in my calendar and praying that this all subsides by then so I can finally just ENJOY being pregnant.
About that... I'm nervous. When I was pregnant with Super Boy eight years ago, I had issues with morning sickness then, too, but once it was behind me (by around 14 weeks) I felt FABULOUS and LOVED being pregnant. I reveled in my growing belly, enjoyed the energy and excitement of the second trimester and early third trimester, and really felt quite good right up to the last 2 weeks or so of that pregnancy. But I was 28 and 29 years old then; I'm 36 going on 37 now. Will it be as enjoyable given that my body is older? Will I be more uncomfortable this time? I'm praying that this experience will closely mirror my last pregnancy. I want to enjoy this, particularly because this WILL be my last pregnancy.
I find myself wishing that I could peek at this baby via ultrasound like every 48 hours, just to reassure myself that he/she is still there, still growing, still okay. Seeing the baby at my 7-week ultrasound a few weeks ago was great, but so much can happen from one week to the next, especially in the first trimester. As morbid as this sounds, I still find myself cautiously peeking in my panties for any signs of bleeding every time I use the bathroom, and breathing a huge sigh of relief when the coast is clear. I worry over every pain and twinge, even though I know some amount of that is normal due to ligaments and such stretching to accommodate the growing baby. You forget all that after so many years though.
Interestingly enough, with Super Boy, both Super Man and I and most of our family members all felt that the baby was a boy, and that was unequivocally confirmed at my mid-term ultrasound when Super Boy kept flashing his junk but refused to show his face! The Chinese birth predictor charts also showed that Super Boy was going to be a boy, based on my age and when I conceived.
This time, despite the fact that the Chinese birth predictor says BOY, I am convinced the baby is a girl, as are my mom and several of my girlfriends. But Super Man, Super Boy and Super Girl all think it's another boy. I feel obligated to mention that my mom just really wants a baby granddaughter, so I think that's made her biased, and the girlfriends who think this baby is a girl all have boys themselves, so I think it might be wishful thinking! :)
I will be overjoyed regardless of whether this baby is a boy or a girl, but I will admit that I've always wanted a daughter of my own. As much as I love Super Girl, she already has a mother-daughter relationship with her own mom, and while we're fairly close, our relationship just isn't like that. With as close as my mom and I are, I have always wanted to have that with a daughter of my own. I've pictured what my daughter will look like, what she will be like, and I pray that was all foreshadowing and not just wishful thinking on my part.
One thing that has been especially fun has been looking at all the new things that have come out for babies since I last had one. The clothes seem more cute and stylish, and the gadgets and gear are so much more attractive and streamlined. We saved a bunch of the stuff we had bought or received brand-new when we had Super Boy, but we got rid of some other things that were just taking up too much room in our basement. I think many of the things we got rid of were things we found we really didn't use that much or things that are cheap to replace, so that's at least a bonus.
The one thing I made sure to save because they were expensive were Super Boy's car seats -- his infant car seat/carrier and the one we used after he outgrew that, until he was big enough for his booster. We bought a beautiful Peg Perego infant car seat/carrier & stroller system before having Super Boy, and a gorgeous Britax convertible car seat that Super Boy used after he outgrew his infant carrier -- but unfortunately BOTH are now expired. I was incredibly frustrated to realize that!
The Peg Perego system was like $300 or $350 when we bought it, and I really don't want to have to buy a new infant seat PLUS a new convertible seat for when the baby outgrows it. So instead, now I'm thinking I will keep the old Peg Perego infant seat and use it solely as a baby carrier and with the stroller, but just get a new Britax convertible car seat that can go from birth to 55 or 70 lbs for the car. It was great to have the infant car seat/carrier when I had Super Boy because I was working full-time and had to shuttle him in and out of daycare, usually in a great rush and with a jam-packed diaper bag, purse and briefcase in tow, so having the convenience of the portable car seat/baby carrier then was great. But now that I'm a stay-at-home mom, and I plan to BE home until this baby is at least a year old, it's not that big a deal to have to take a few extra minutes to put the baby in and take the baby out of a stationary seat that stays in the car. I still have the Baby Bjorn I had for Super Boy, and I think that might be easiest to tote the baby around when we're out and about.
So many things to think about... but so much fun!
For all of you who are still struggling to have another child, hold onto your hope, keep faith, and believe in miracles. They do happen sometimes - and the next one might be yours.
Love and baby dust,
SW
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