So happy to report that I am officially halfway through this pregnancy, having hit the 20-week mark today!
Such a funny mix of feelings comes with hitting this point in the pregnancy.
On the one hand, I am thrilled and feel so relieved and in awe to have gotten to this point unscathed, and to have this pregnancy still healthy and intact after all we've been through to get here. And I am terribly excited that I only have 20 (well, actually, only 19) weeks left until I'm holding my baby girl!
WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
On the other hand, it hit me the other night that I'm staring down the barrel at a C-section in 19 weeks, which is a bit daunting considering I hate surgery and I'm starting to remember how long and unpleasant my recovery was after my C-section with Super Boy nearly 8 years ago.
EEEK!
I'm sure this one will be SOMEWHAT different and - hopefully - better, because I won't be in labor for 30 hours prior to having surgery this time, and I won't be starving, pumped full of fluids and drugs, and going on no sleep for the better part of a day and a half. There is a fair amount of consolation in all of that, believe me. But it's still a surgery, planned or not, and my worry-wart mind can't ignore all the implications of that. I realize that all I can do is prepare myself as best I can and pray that all goes as it's supposed to, and that is what I fully intend to do. Just know that as each week brings me closer to 5.11.11, I will be getting more and more anxious at the impending operation!
On the positive side, I've already decided that instead of having Super Man stay home with me the first week after the baby comes, as he did with Super Boy, I'm having my mom stay with me. There's a VERY GOOD REASON for this, my friends.
With Super Boy, Super Man wanted to be home with me the first week and for my mom to come the second week. I really didn't care at that point as long as SOMEONE was there, because I needed help with literally EVERYTHING -- getting in and out of bed, sitting up, getting the baby, doing laundry, showering, and so on. The nurses warned me ad nauseum about not overdoing it with any activity, only doing the stairs two times a day, not lifting anything heavier than the baby, etc., and I really wanted to be a good patient and heal properly (as I'd known a few people who did NOT take it easy enough and ended up with opened incisions, infections, and I did NOT want to follow in their footsteps!), so I was happy to comply. Super Man was there and heard all the instructions and limitations, and I thought we were on the same page and that he understood that being home with me meant that I needed him to pretty much be at my beck and call for the week, anticipating my and the baby's needs and doing whatever was needed to make it physically easier for me.
Yeah. WRONG!
See, the week BEFORE Super Boy was born, Super Man decided it was finally time to tear off our garage roof and get to work on replacing it. We own a 115-year-old house, and our garage used to house two horses back in the day. It's a big, stucco structure and had a very old and very bad roof on it that had pretty much caved in, rendering our garage unusable for the first two years we lived in our house. Why Super Man felt that RIGHT BEFORE THE BABY CAME was the time to dive into that project, I'll never know, but alas, that was how it went down. Now, to his credit, he got the old roof entirely torn off and the mess cleared out by the time I had Super Boy, but the new roof was not on. Knowing Super Man as I do, I figured that the urge to work on it would be OVERPOWERING to him while home with me that week, so I struck a deal with him: I didn't care if he did work on the garage AS LONG AS he kept his cell phone on him at all times so I could call him from the house phone and tell him when I needed him to come in to help me with something. He agreed to my condition.
He did well with our arrangement. For about three hours.
Next thing I know, I'm trying to call him to help me out of bed so I could pee, only to realize that I could hear his cell phone ringing downstairs on the kitchen table, despite the fact that he was outside in the garage.
Can you say "pissed off"? And even that was an understatement! That was pretty much how our week went. Every time I tried to call him, I could hear his phone ringing on the first floor while he was blissfully working in peace out in the garage.
Needless to say, by the time his week was up and my mom came, I was already more mobile than I had wanted to or planned to be, sheerly out of necessity. My mom was alarmed when she realized how much I was already doing and insisted I take it easy during her week. It was like heaven, having her around that week. She literally did EVERYTHING and let me rest. I didn't want her to go home. Ever.
So, it was clearly an easy choice as to who to have stay with me for Week 1 this time around: MOM, hands down. That said, I'm hoping that with the whole shindig being planned this time around and me not being so physically battered by the time it's done, I will feel a lot better and able to do more sooner, which will be nice for my mom, too, considering that she is also 8 years older this time around than last. And then Super Man can have the "easier" Week 2, and hopefully it won't matter quite so much if he's oblivious to the fact that I need his help because his BlackBerry is indoors while he is outdoors. :)
But hey - I'm 20 weeks! I have been feeling some movements for the past couple of weeks, and they make my heart sing. I find myself eagerly awaiting the day when I feel regular movements all day long. I'd forgotten how much your brain monitors and waits on those movements once you begin to feel them, and how anxiety-inducing it can be when you realize you haven't felt anything in hours. And I really can't wait for the kicks to be tangible from the outside. Super Boy is going to LOVE feeling his little sister kick and tumble around in my belly, and I can't wait to see his face! He is constantly touching my belly, rubbing and patting it, and of course commenting on how enormous it is. I think he's afraid to see how much scarier my belly button is going to get in the NEXT 20 weeks, because it's already freaking us both out pretty good right now!
I have savored this experience, to the max. Even when I'm uncomfortable or constipated or just feeling physically exhausted and whale-like, I am so thankful to be in this moment. This is what I dreamed of and longed for all those years we tried for our second baby together, and to be living it at long last is just miraculous. I'm sure some of you are sick of me saying that by now, but truly, that's how I feel and I can't apologize for it. I know so many people who got pregnant without really having to put any effort into it, and I always wonder if they TRULY realize and appreciate just what a miracle it is when it happens and stays and results in a healthy baby being born at the end. I can't imagine not treating the experience as something sacred after all of this.
I hope everyone had a beautiful holiday season, and my very best wishes to all for a blessed Happy New Year!
With a grateful heart,
SW
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
18
Tomorrow I will be 18 weeks. :)
I definitely feel pregnant at this point.
My belly has burgeoned. Really. Super Boy tells me EVERY DAY that he cannot believe how HUGE my belly is. He rubs it, pats it, touches it, pokes it, and tells me how fat it is. :) He's getting a HUGE kick out of this, trust me! He still can't quite believe that he ever fit in there himself. Frankly, neither can I.
Due to the burgeoning belly, I can still wear some of my regular non-maternity shirts, sweatshirts and yoga/sweatpants, but otherwise it's all maternity wear at this point.
I have heartburn. Almost every night. And occasionally during the day, too. TUMS are my friends. And not the little piddly TUMS but the ultra-strength TUMS. Which is great because they have lots of calcium. And even greater because they bring me sweet relief.
And - best part - I can now feel the baby move! It's not a constant thing at this point, but I am starting to feel little rolls and nudges here and there. It is as amazing to me this time as it was with Super Boy all those years ago. I find myself eagerly anticipating the next nudge. And the next. And I can't wait until the rest of the family can feel them on the outside of my belly - I especially can't wait to see Super Boy's face the first time he feels his little sister kick.
Medically, things have been pretty quiet here. I haven't been to a doctor since my appointment with the genetic specialist for the ultrasound and CVS in November. I see my regular OB-GYN tomorrow afternoon for a regular check-up, but I don't think they will be doing anything else at that appointment, like other labs or anything. And then I'll be back to the genetic specialist on 12.30.10 at 20 weeks for the mid-pregnancy ultrasound, which they're doing primarily to check the brain & heart development to make sure things are still on track. That should be the last ultrasound, assuming everything checks out okay and I don't run into any other problems in the next 22 weeks. It will be weird not seeing her on ultrasond anymore after 20 weeks, given that I've seen her three times in just the past 18 weeks!
We're still talking about names. I won't share them here just yet, but I've had my favorite for years that I'm really pulling for, and then Super Boy has his favorite, and Super Man has one that he's partial to. Frankly, since Super Man has already gotten to name a girl once, I feel like this one ought to be my call, although of course I want him to like and agree with the name. He DOES like my favorite, but he's not 100% on it at this point. I really like the name Super Boy wants, too, so that's my #2 choice, and then the one Super Man likes is sort of my #3, although I'm really not as fond of that one as the other two. The middle name is still open, because it's largely dependent upon which first name we choose.
It's funny because I remember feeling like choosing a name for Super Boy was HUGE, and a huge responsibility for us to get right. We went into the hospital knowing his middle name for sure (my paternal grandfather's name), but we had four first names that we liked, and we decided to see what Super Boy looked like and which one seemed to suit his personality best before settling on one. Incidentally, the one we chose wasn't my first choice going in, but it is literally the perfect name for him -- he fits it to a T, and there's no way I could imagine him being anything other than that. I hope that we choose as well for our daughter.
I love being pregnant at the holidays. I loved it with Super Boy, and I love it now. There's something very special about this time of year under any circumstances, but experiencing it while carrying this long awaited child is something particularly magical. Just like the conception of baby Jesus was a miracle, so was our conception of this little girl, at least to us.
Best wishes for safe and blessed holidays to all!
SW
I definitely feel pregnant at this point.
My belly has burgeoned. Really. Super Boy tells me EVERY DAY that he cannot believe how HUGE my belly is. He rubs it, pats it, touches it, pokes it, and tells me how fat it is. :) He's getting a HUGE kick out of this, trust me! He still can't quite believe that he ever fit in there himself. Frankly, neither can I.
Due to the burgeoning belly, I can still wear some of my regular non-maternity shirts, sweatshirts and yoga/sweatpants, but otherwise it's all maternity wear at this point.
I have heartburn. Almost every night. And occasionally during the day, too. TUMS are my friends. And not the little piddly TUMS but the ultra-strength TUMS. Which is great because they have lots of calcium. And even greater because they bring me sweet relief.
And - best part - I can now feel the baby move! It's not a constant thing at this point, but I am starting to feel little rolls and nudges here and there. It is as amazing to me this time as it was with Super Boy all those years ago. I find myself eagerly anticipating the next nudge. And the next. And I can't wait until the rest of the family can feel them on the outside of my belly - I especially can't wait to see Super Boy's face the first time he feels his little sister kick.
Medically, things have been pretty quiet here. I haven't been to a doctor since my appointment with the genetic specialist for the ultrasound and CVS in November. I see my regular OB-GYN tomorrow afternoon for a regular check-up, but I don't think they will be doing anything else at that appointment, like other labs or anything. And then I'll be back to the genetic specialist on 12.30.10 at 20 weeks for the mid-pregnancy ultrasound, which they're doing primarily to check the brain & heart development to make sure things are still on track. That should be the last ultrasound, assuming everything checks out okay and I don't run into any other problems in the next 22 weeks. It will be weird not seeing her on ultrasond anymore after 20 weeks, given that I've seen her three times in just the past 18 weeks!
We're still talking about names. I won't share them here just yet, but I've had my favorite for years that I'm really pulling for, and then Super Boy has his favorite, and Super Man has one that he's partial to. Frankly, since Super Man has already gotten to name a girl once, I feel like this one ought to be my call, although of course I want him to like and agree with the name. He DOES like my favorite, but he's not 100% on it at this point. I really like the name Super Boy wants, too, so that's my #2 choice, and then the one Super Man likes is sort of my #3, although I'm really not as fond of that one as the other two. The middle name is still open, because it's largely dependent upon which first name we choose.
It's funny because I remember feeling like choosing a name for Super Boy was HUGE, and a huge responsibility for us to get right. We went into the hospital knowing his middle name for sure (my paternal grandfather's name), but we had four first names that we liked, and we decided to see what Super Boy looked like and which one seemed to suit his personality best before settling on one. Incidentally, the one we chose wasn't my first choice going in, but it is literally the perfect name for him -- he fits it to a T, and there's no way I could imagine him being anything other than that. I hope that we choose as well for our daughter.
I love being pregnant at the holidays. I loved it with Super Boy, and I love it now. There's something very special about this time of year under any circumstances, but experiencing it while carrying this long awaited child is something particularly magical. Just like the conception of baby Jesus was a miracle, so was our conception of this little girl, at least to us.
Best wishes for safe and blessed holidays to all!
SW
Thursday, December 2, 2010
16
We've made it to 16 weeks, hallelujah!
Can I just tell you how relieved and thrilled I am to be here? It's such a surreal thing, being pregnant again. I'm marveling in every single day of it, because I know this is the last time I'll experience it and I want to relish every single moment. I cherished the experience of being pregnant with Super Boy, too, but knowing this is the last time I will be here, after all we went through to get here, I want to burn every second of it deep into my soul. It is truly surreal.
After all the years of trying and failing to conceive, after the two failed IUI attempts and then the miscarriage, as the clock continued to tick and I continued to get older...
I've mentioned before that the only thing that kept me going through all of it was the gut-level belief that there WAS another child for us, somewhere, waiting. Still, as we went into our fourth IUI, I was forced to think about what I would do if, God forbid, we got to the end of our sixth IUI and I still wasn't pregnant. For the first time in years, I had started picturing our life without that final family member. It was like looking through a very cloudy, blurry window, picturing that outcome, and it hurt my heart to envision it, but I had to at least try to prepare myself for what I dreaded. Which isn't to say that our family as it is was inadequate or somehow unsatisfactory, because it wasn't and isn't. But it was the thought of giving up the family I always envisioned us having that made it hurt. To me, not having that last child join us would always be a loss, a dream that didn't come true.
Knowing that our dream IS coming true, that my last sweet baby is growing and thriving, getting ready to join us in May, makes me smile from the inside out. I am so unbelievably, inconceivably grateful, I can't even properly express it.
And there is nothing sweeter than when Super Boy puts his hands on my belly and rubs it, saying he can't believe his little sister is in there, that "we're" finally getting a baby. I dreamed of this for him as much as for us. He has wanted to be a big brother forever, and knowing that he will get his wish is incredible. My heart feels fuller than ever!
My hope for all who have struggled to have a baby is that your dreams will come true very soon, too. If I could wave a wand and make it happen for you, I would, in a heartbeat. All I can do is encourage you to keep believing it will happen, to envision your life with that baby, to paint a mental picture of it so vividly that it is impossible for it NOT to become reality. I am fervently praying for all of you that your miracle is just around the corner.
Until next time,
SW
Can I just tell you how relieved and thrilled I am to be here? It's such a surreal thing, being pregnant again. I'm marveling in every single day of it, because I know this is the last time I'll experience it and I want to relish every single moment. I cherished the experience of being pregnant with Super Boy, too, but knowing this is the last time I will be here, after all we went through to get here, I want to burn every second of it deep into my soul. It is truly surreal.
After all the years of trying and failing to conceive, after the two failed IUI attempts and then the miscarriage, as the clock continued to tick and I continued to get older...
I've mentioned before that the only thing that kept me going through all of it was the gut-level belief that there WAS another child for us, somewhere, waiting. Still, as we went into our fourth IUI, I was forced to think about what I would do if, God forbid, we got to the end of our sixth IUI and I still wasn't pregnant. For the first time in years, I had started picturing our life without that final family member. It was like looking through a very cloudy, blurry window, picturing that outcome, and it hurt my heart to envision it, but I had to at least try to prepare myself for what I dreaded. Which isn't to say that our family as it is was inadequate or somehow unsatisfactory, because it wasn't and isn't. But it was the thought of giving up the family I always envisioned us having that made it hurt. To me, not having that last child join us would always be a loss, a dream that didn't come true.
Knowing that our dream IS coming true, that my last sweet baby is growing and thriving, getting ready to join us in May, makes me smile from the inside out. I am so unbelievably, inconceivably grateful, I can't even properly express it.
And there is nothing sweeter than when Super Boy puts his hands on my belly and rubs it, saying he can't believe his little sister is in there, that "we're" finally getting a baby. I dreamed of this for him as much as for us. He has wanted to be a big brother forever, and knowing that he will get his wish is incredible. My heart feels fuller than ever!
My hope for all who have struggled to have a baby is that your dreams will come true very soon, too. If I could wave a wand and make it happen for you, I would, in a heartbeat. All I can do is encourage you to keep believing it will happen, to envision your life with that baby, to paint a mental picture of it so vividly that it is impossible for it NOT to become reality. I am fervently praying for all of you that your miracle is just around the corner.
Until next time,
SW
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